The Power of a Community Retreat
A happy retreat!
By Adele Capitella-Liu
On August 9, 2024, 18 individuals from 10 states and Canada united on a self-healing journey. We gathered together for a weekend retreat in a safe space that allowed us to explore and reflect on circumstances that bind us. It was an occasion that elicited joy, healing, hope and peace. It was a time to unhinge, unwind, relax and rejuvenate the human spirit. A calm nonjudgmental place where we connected, and opened our hearts without fear or negative repercussions.
The retreat was tailored for adults with craniofacial anomalies or, as we say in the community, "facial differences.” This experience allowed us to take a few steps back from juggling life's ups and downs. We discussed issues pertinent to the community and we also allowed ourselves time to celebrate the hard-core resilience that we display in our everyday lives. Our community and its experiences are unique, and a retreat provides an avenue of self-empowerment and transformation for us to take our rightful place within society.
Many adults have missed the opportunity to connect with others or organizations that cater to this population. Years ago, many with facial differences had no support. They were isolated, alone in their struggles and left to navigate life in silence. There was no outlet to verbalize our hurts, traumas or fears. For many, gathering to define what it is like to live with a facial difference has been a life-altering experience. It definitely was a way to nourish your soul and give value to our precious lives.
“Every now and then our hopes and dreams manifest in ways we could have never imagined. It has been a personal mission of mine to host an adult retreat weekend for persons with facial differences.”
The retreat fostered a self-healing journey through healthy and life-giving experience. The central theme was for a restorative and healing weekend and how to release unresolved trauma. Through various activities and tools, we created an outlet for incidental healing that allowed time for deep thought, helping individuals move through past pain and hurts that sometimes limits living life to the fullest. The event was a healthy balance between a good refreshing, relaxing and rejuvenating experience with good discussions.
Kintsugi bowls
Every now and then our hopes and dreams manifest in ways we could have never imagined. It has been a personal mission of mine to host an adult retreat weekend for persons with facial differences. For years, I mulled over the idea to gather people in this community for a weekend of camaraderie, discussion, belonging and sharing experiences,. It took 25 years to see my vision come to fruition, but I never let the dream fade. I was abundantly blessed with fulfilling my life's purpose. I'm still in a euphoric high from being embraced by a community of resilience, sparkle and joy. I am filled with gratitude for all those in the community that participated and all those who believed in my mission. We filled a sacred space with discussions, art, yoga and self-care. This incredible vibrancy made this weekend experience complete.
Spending time with your accidental community brings an essence of pure empowerment. A time for a micro-minority to mix and mingle for just a slight moment in time, tapped the soul and heart of everyone that was in attendance. Many of us are hyper-vigilant which exhausts the human spirit. We gathered at a place where we could lay down our burdens. We processed and released our traumas at a healing hut, and we watched the sun go down on the scenic Hudson River as we set our thoughts and intentions to wander to an elevated and sweeter state of mind. We let the magic of happiness overcome us.
I witnessed reserved people transform before me, relaxed and openly happy communicating with other members of the community in the embrace of full acceptance. There was no need for explanations or apologies. No one asked, "what happened to your face?" In all our beautiful diversity and conditions, we didn't care, it was an atmosphere of acceptance and kindred company. During the weekend we were privileged to be safe from stares, on-lookers, the unsolicited questions about your appearance by strangers that often impinge on our privacy.
With careful planning we set our goals and objectives to include discussion about the media, self-compassion and relationships. We brainstormed with different ideas and possibilities for the future of the facial difference audience. The younger members of the community have blossomed with so many innovative ways to reach the general population by producing TikTok and Instagram videos celebrating their facial differences with an air of confidence and positivity. I personally applaud their moxie and fresh ideas with the thought of full acceptance in society, breaking down the barriers one video at a time. Kudos to the young ones.
During our time together, we had the opportunity to practice light yoga, and we participated in a sound bath for a meditative experience in a room full of singing bowls and gentle candlelight. We were gently transported to another realm of peace and tranquility. Saturday afternoon found us hammering bowls into pieces and learning about the Japanese art of kintsugi. The art of taking a broken vessel and putting the pieces back together with gold filling. The imperfection of the bowl is what makes the piece beautiful and more valuable. This is where we applied the art to our own lives and to see ourselves as strong and beautiful in the larger spectrum of life. We are people who are powerful and most definitely refined with the precious metal gold.
Our community came together to break bread, and we told our stories of triumphs and defeats. We had time to dance and sing and fully participate in the little pockets of life that sometimes we are not privileged to enjoy. The attendees gathered for pictures, each of us beaming with a sense of promise and hope for the future. We were there to revel in the extraordinary. The power of community is far-reaching. It is a source of empowerment that brings forth a strong voice that will vibrate and ripple to other possibilities for this group in the future.
With a humble and grateful heart, it is my desire to sustain the energy and vibrancy of this unique population who deserve to be recognized as a beautiful cross section of society. With transformative leadership we can continue planning retreat weekends in the future.
For further information about getting involved with the facial difference community, visit the Facebook Group: Adults with Facial Differences. It is a group of adults with varying degrees of facial conditions. Dina Zuckerberg, Director of Family Programs at myFace, was instrumental in making this retreat happen with the unwavering support of myFace. They believed in my creative power to allow this amazing gathering to happen.
About the Author
Adele Capitella-Liu, is a retired New York City teacher who also worked with troubled teens in the foster care system. She stopped working after she was diagnosed with breast cancer, and has Rombergs Syndrome. She adores traveling, painting, arts and crafts, and walking. When she has a minute she enjoys writing poetry, as it gives her a proper outlet to voice her interior soul.