When The Dust Settles: Life with Autism after The Smoke Clears
By Troy Krombholz
‘When The Dust Settles’’ Troy Krombholz Galleries (c) November 2025
On a hot summer morning last August, I remember how the air was still, like the odd quiet right before a tornado hits, when my wife walked in and handed me the phone. I knew this was about to be a really bad phone call. I was still lying in bed and said, “No, not today. I don’t need this today.” Sure, enough my Dad was dead. He had died in his sleep that night unexpectantly. AND BOOM! A huge emotional bomb went off during the time when I was at my weakest physically. I started crying and sobbing even before I put the phone to my head.
It was not only the fact that it was an early morning phone call from my sister that concerned me, but it was also the way Susan spoke to me. She knew a wave, like a huge tsunami was about to hit me, and I could hear it in her voice. Nothing in that moment could have stopped the bombs and the dust that exploded everywhere. I’m sure you can imagine the shock we had as a family. We were wandering around numb and lost in the dust of sudden death. Having come from military families from both of my parents, I pulled up my boot straps and met those horrific days numb, and emotionally battered, but thankfully I got through it.
Troy Krombholz Galleries (c) 2025
I knew I needed to be strong and helpful for Susan and the boys during that time, but amazingly they were super strong for me. They knew that I had been closer to my Dad than ever before, and his joy was a supply line of love for me. My Dad who was also autistic, like me, constantly helped me to stay steady and calm through difficult decisions. So, when he suddenly died, my consistent supply line of help coming from my Dad, was over. He and I had learned how to work through life’s problems together as autistic people and our bond was very strong!
So, with my Dad gone, I struggled with feeling cut off and stranded from the consistent resources that I knew would be coming because of him. For example, when my pancreas went into exocrine failure a few years back, my Dad was on the phone with the Governor’s Office in our state getting my enteral nutrition approved. My state at that time did not cover anyone over the age of 21 for feeding tube formula, and I desperately needed it to stay alive. So, I am very thankful that my Dad was able to get me a steady supply line of nutrition that has helped keep me alive for over two years now.
Troy Krombholz Galleries (c) 2025
Since I grew up from military families, I often think about how important it is to have secure supply lines during battles. I have read several famous accounts where these sagas commonly play out. For example, in the story of The Lost Battalion in World War 1, there were soldiers in the main fight who got cut off and isolated away from every resource they needed. These soldiers were immediately and directly in harm’s way with nowhere to go!
I have noticed often that there is one consistent quality that shines through the carnage of stories like these, and that is Human Survival Bond. That bond held many soldiers together, while they were wounded and fighting to live. The courage of many of these soldiers continues to shine brightly to this day, even if Hollywood chooses to never tell their stories. Sometimes, history and our circumstances urge us to form a human survival bond.
Many stories like these about the hardships of war, give me the courage that one day the dust will settle for me too. This past year, I have wondered how long it would take for the dust to clear after Dad died. And Susan reminds me that even 22 years later, she still feels the pain of losing her Dad when she was 14 years old. Oddly enough, our fathers happened to die on the exact same day, and through that unique connection we found human bond together in our deep grief. We have been holding each other tightly until all this dust settles.
The challenges that come with living with autism require a steady and secure supply line for a vast group of unique people. Without it, we are all stranded. And yet, big kids with toys throw rocks around, pointing and laughing at people with struggles, those who have epic differences. I love the word epic! But epic, and its potential cannot run and fly forward when playground bullies throw wrenches out of the left field. Lately, it feels like in the “newer” conversations about autism, that a nuclear bomb has been dropped, and suddenly we all are shell shocked, wondering what just hit us. The debris and dust are everywhere and all that can be heard is the loud sounds of shrapnel flying from every direction. Many are overwhelmed with thoughts of failure, grief, anger, and confusion. But don’t worry, all those things are just dust. Life WILL go on after the dust settles!
In the story of The Lost Battalion, part of the problem was not the enemy attacking them while they were stuck down in a ravine, they also got attacked by friendly fire. They got attacked by their own team and had to send word by pigeons that said, “STOP BOMBING US.” Sadly, many did not make it out of that mission alive and only about ¼ survived. But go and look at the stories of those who did make it, and you will be amazed of their courage in an impossible situation!
Troy Krombholz Galleries (c) 2025
For weeks now my phone has been going off with so many concerns and frustrations about what is being said about autism. So here is my two cents worth; I can remember when eggs were bad for your cholesterol. And then I can remember when eggs were good for you, and then bad for you, and then good again. Now, after all that, I cannot even remember which came first, but I think the egg did. I also remember when there was this metal contraption thing with a huge wide belt on it and it looked like a swing. All you had to do was to put the strap around your waist and it shook all the weight right off. All your extra weight gone! With four easy payments of $29.95! Fads come and go, but real science and truth will remain.
When I was a young boy in the 1980’s, a song climbed the music charts called “We Are The World” and it had numerous famous musicians singing on the album. I recently watched a documentary film chronicling the writing, filming, and recording of it. There were dozens of famous singers that chipped in to help; Michael Jackson, Lionel Harris, Diana Ross, Ray Charles, Kenny Rogers, Bob Dylan, and several others. A few of the musicians were assigned about 10 words to sing by themselves. Here you have it, these famous elites, and gifted musicians standing and singing in a room to raise money for Starvation in Africa. For me as a kid, it was a WOW moment!
What struck me the most in the film was the quote that the Studio Manager put over the door before the glamourous musicians came to “Help Others.” The sign said, “Leave your Ego at the door.” If ego gets in the way, we cannot genuinely and compassionately help others. And that was the goal of that record, to raise money and create a supply line for starving people in Africa. That song rocked the charts for a very long time, and for me, every time that I heard it as a little boy, it was amazing! It was an anthem that was calling for human bond, and human responsibility, to help fix a serious problem. I mean aren’t we all in the trenches of life together?
Not all problems are fixed with money though; some problems have to be fixed using science. Since I was a little kid, I have absolutely loved studying science, it beckons me to learn more. I desperately wanted to go to medical school to become a doctor, because I love helping people have a better day. The problem was that my academic scores were so low I was unable to gain entrance to any medical colleges. For me, I am having to learn that when I approach science and the human body, that I should remember the quote on the door at the studio, “to leave my ego at the door.” I mean, the pancreas can send up to like 7000 different signals around the human body, and yet I as a person cannot even remember to brush my teeth twice a day. I am the one who needs to learn, science must be one of my teachers.
“AS AN AUTISTIC PERSON, I WOULD ENCOURAGE THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE IN THE TRENCHES IN THIS WAY: GET BACK UP, BRUSH YOURSELF OFF, AND CONTINUE LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST. . .IF YOU ARE LIVING IN THE AUTISTIC COMMUNITY AND YOU FEEL THAT YOU ARE IN THE TRENCHES OF CONFUSION, DON’T LOSE HEART. ”
I like to study science with awe and wonder and a deep hunger for real facts and truth. The fact is that there are thousands of scientists studying autism all around the world for years now and they have acquired many good facts. The fact is there are many parents and children with autism right now who feel stuck and trapped in a deep trench, lost in a hidden ravine, with explosions everywhere. And it’s NOT THEIR FAULT that they are stuck in that ravine. Many in the autistic community have expressed significant grief and confusion by the sudden “change of tides.” Many people are shell shocked with their lives being upended. There is a wall of unrelenting dust and confusion that needs to clear up.
When my Dad died, there was an unrelenting wall of dust and confusion, and it only got worse for many months. In many ways losing a parent or a close loved one is like dwelling in the dust of chaos for unending months. But over this past year as the dust is settling, I have been able to see Susan and the boys standing there, gently holding my hands and patting the dust off my clothes. They were my consistent supply line and connection when I could not see through the dust storm, along with many prayers full of tears.
As an autistic person, I would encourage those of you who are in the trenches in this way: get back up, brush yourself off, and continue living life to the fullest. Not all fix-it fads will last, and not all science and medicine is used with humble discretion. If you are living in the autistic community and you feel that you are in the trenches of confusion, don’t lose heart. This dust will settle. And soon, the debris will stop flying and everyone will see that autism is not a passing fad. You are not a disease or a sickness; you are a human with EPIC potential. The dust will be settling soon! Don’t give up, you are valuable and special and have a great purpose!
In closing, I would like to quote Harry Belefonte who said the following, “We believe that artists have a valuable function in society, since it is the artists who reveal the society to itself.” So as a writer and artist, let me try to put that into practice. Let’s pretend I am artist painting with words, and I am sending a little pigeon flying to The Main Headquarters with a note that says, “PLEASE STOP BOMBING US, the Autistic Community is vulnerably stuck in this ravine and we are not your enemies!” And since I have a second pigeon left in my satchel, I believe the message should say, “Please leave your ego at the door of science, only facts are helpful!” To everyone in the Autistic Community, you can do this! When the dust settles, brush it off and walk on! You have so much more YOU WILL contribute to society!
About the Author
Troy Krombholz is a published author who focuses his content on Visual Storytelling. He also writes original music as a composer, occasionally performs as a concert pianist, and is an award-winning author and photographer. Troy lectures on Medical & Special Needs, Autism Awareness and strives to see Educational Progress and Advancement for Children and Adults who live and struggle with Autism and Special Needs. Troy is married to his wife Susan and they have two sons together. In his free time, Troy enjoys the outdoors with his family and is an advocate for Nature Conservation.