By Megan Walsh, RN

*Pictured: Ryder coloring with a crayon*

Hello! My name is Megan, and I’m fortunate enough to be the mother of Ryder, a beautiful, spirited boy who has truly changed my life. Ryder was born in 2019, and our story isn’t an easy one to tell. It began with hardships, grief, violence, and confusion. It also began with beauty I cannot put into words. A love so pure and strong that it completely derailed what I thought was my life purpose. It began with smiles, connection, laughs, many happy tears, and the drive to do better. Ryder’s light was undeniable from the moment he was born. He is kind, talented, funny, loving, smart, and autistic. It’s getting easier for me to say that and the reason is because he’s so much more than his disability. Nothing about that label changed the way I see my son. What did change is having access to more services allowed me to have more power when advocating fiercely for him.

“To be what Ryder needed, I had to put my preconceived notions of my purpose aside and look inward. I found myself having to unlearn everything I was taught. From the moment Ryder was born, I had a gut feeling he was different. I remember googling what autism looked like in babies when he was a few weeks old. I chalked it up to sleep deprivation and exhaustion. I didn’t revisit this maternal instinct until he wasn’t meeting all the milestones after his second birthday. That’s when I began early intervention.”

During this time, I watched Ryder’s passion for all things art, like painting and drawing, grow. What else could I do but water it? I would lay out a large sheet of paper on the ground, secure it with tape and let him express himself freely. To this day, Ryder is the happiest when he is creating, singing, and dancing barefoot outdoors, surrounded by nature with his artistic pursuits at the forefront. Allowing him to explore his creativity also spurred my own. I had to let go of my concerns about the mess, ignore the to-do list, and embrace imperfection. I share this because I believe many of us carry these burdens of perfectionism and rigid expectations on ourselves. I’ve learned that true growth comes when we release these constraints to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and play without fear of judgments from ourselves and others.

While everyone’s journey is different, some days are harder than others. There are so many moments as a parent of a child with a developmental disability that others cannot comprehend, and that’s okay. I’ve learned to allow myself to grieve the “firsts” that I’d imagined. I allow myself to feel whatever comes up in that moment without judgment because at the end of the day, the moments I “missed out on” are only in my head. Ryder chose me to be his mama because I know what it’s like to not be understood. I heal out loud for him and anyone who needs to not feel so alone in this.

Life isn’t easy and we’re all suffering in some way. Sharing our story, my outlook, what I’ve done to help myself and in turn help my son is the connection where change can and will begin. Ryder has given me a gift of finding and using my voice. I’m not sure where our journey might lead us, but I know in my heart it will be beautiful and worth those moments when I had no idea how I was going to do this.

“As I wrap this up, I encourage whoever is reading this to find their play. Draw, paint, sing, dance, design, write. Do something for yourself that you have interest in and never explored because you didn’t think you were good enough. You are good enough. Be vulnerable and step out of your comfort zone. That is where it starts, the change begins within, and I know every single person has a gift to share.”

Thank you and please enjoy Ryder’s beautiful, unique artwork!

*Pictured: Ryder and his mother in a field of sunflowers*

About the author

Megan Walsh is a dedicated mother and primary caregiver to Ryder, her charming 4-year-old son with autism. A registered nurse in New York State, Megan also holds a degree in social sciences and has a background in psychology, particularly trauma-related issues. While she paused her career to prioritize Ryder’s needs, her passion for health care and psychology remains strong. Born and raised in Buffalo, NY, Megan is deeply interested in nutrition and its impact on overall well-being. She brings a unique blend of compassion, expertise, and a commitment to making a positive difference in the lives of others.

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